I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize