Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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