Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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