guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
