Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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