oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
