i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
