I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
