You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
