i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
