you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
