The maid of honor just puked.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
