Nicole vs. Life
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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