Don't you send me to vm
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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