I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
These tits shall not be calmed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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