This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
