So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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