I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
