obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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