I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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