Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
