Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
