forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
