can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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