I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
