so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
