So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
