did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
