You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
