i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
