The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
