I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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