Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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