hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
last night I used snow as a chaser
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
