I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
