He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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