Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
