we have officially lost it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
