i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
