Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
