and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
