how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
