just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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