You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
