just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
