So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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