Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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