I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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