At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
