why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
