just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
