Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
