Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
